The Venture Bros: Twenty Years to Midnight
It’s been two weeks since a fresh episode of The Venture Bros. Two viciously agonizing, heinously miserable, adverb adjective weeks. However, “Twenty Years to Midnight” made the wait completely worthwhile. The amount of action was a nice surprise, a true throwback to the show’s original roots: a take-off of the 60’s cheesy, mystery-adventure cartoons. All these amazing elements have caused me some inner conflict. See, in my last VB post, I said that “Escape to the House of Mummies Part II” had become my favorite… Well, now I don’t know how to feel. My heart is now painfully torn between a Doc Hammer script and a Jackson Publick script! Ohh, “Twenty Years” is truly worthy contender for my love. The guest appearance by Stephen Colbert didn’t hurt, either.
Okay, so we saw a weird robot/alien thing touch down near the Venture compound, sneaking around and peeking through windows. I originally thought he was sent from The Guild of Calamitous Intent (judging by the colors), but, since they weren’t mentioned in the episode, I guess not. Meanwhile, Brock was cleaning around the house and found a box of some of Doc Venture’s old stuff. Inside, Doc found cameras and tapes that his father had purchased for him back in the day. On one of the tapes, Jonas Venture explained that he had created an extremely powerful machine. However, some radio transmissions across space and time told him that the machine was too advanced for mankind at that point and needed to be dismantled, pieces hidden all around the globe, before it fell into the wrong hands. Fun Fact: As demonstrated in the flashback, “The Floor Is Lava” is the best/most inexpensive childhood game ever. Anyway, the transmissions said the machine would also one day save mankind. Jonas explained to Doc that on May 4th of Doc’s 44th year, at exactly at midnight, the machine must be activated to prevent disaster. Realizing that May 4th loomed just 16 hours away, Team Venture needed to retrieve find all the pieces as soon as possible.
After the Ventures took some notes from the video, the giant robot/alien thing approached them. Doc’s surprised cry of “Ladysmith Black Mambazo!” was hilarious. The robot/alien thing informed them, in grainy audio through the speaker in his chest, that he was The Grand Galactic Inquisitor, on Earth to study the behavior of humans. The Ventures happened to be his chosen sample family, but The Inquisitor didn’t want his 12-foot high, massive presence to disturb their regular goings-on (”IGNORE ME!”). Reluctantly, the Ventures let him tag along on the X-1. They flew to Spider Skull Island to pick up the first piece of the machine and the X-2 boat, currently under the possession of Jonas Jr. While Doc showed the tape to Jonas Jr., Brock and the boys attempted to take the boat. There, they found the pirate guy from last season’s “Ghosts of the Sargasso”. Apparently, Jonas, Jr. hired him to captain the X-2. Neat. After Jonas Jr. got the full story, he took charge and instructed everyone to break into three teams to quickly find the remaining three pieces of the machine (Doc and Brock on the X-1, Jonas Jr. and the captain on the X-2, and Hank and Dean on the X-X-1). As the boat and two planes took off, a bright Venture logo spun on the screen. It was such a perfect action-cartoon moment! The recurring spinny logo really added to the episode’s action-y feel.
Jonas Jr. and the captain scuba’d to an underwater location. There, they encountered a drugged up guy with a moustache and a gun. Although they didn’t call him “Mr. Quest” until the very end, I could tell it was Jonny straight away. Really fucking hilarious. He had a ripped-up shirt, a rubber tube around his bicep, a teardrop tattoo, and was voiced by Home Movies’ Brendon Small. Jonas Jr. tried to explain that Jonas had left an important piece of the machine with Dr. Quest, but Jonny almost lost control at the mention of his father. The captain persuaded Jonny to drop the gun after he explained that Jonas Jr. was a doctor and could write prescriptions for anything. Jonny finally collapsed and helplessly cried, “I’m in real pain.” I didn’t really get what happened after that… The next we saw Jonas Jr., he was back on the X-2 and already had his piece of the machine. The captain said, “Ohh, quit your sour-pussin’. You got what you needed.” So… Was Jonas Jr. just seriously against throwing around prescriptions? Or did they shoot Jonny and put him out of his misery? Or… what? Hm.
The boys, on the other hand, didn’t have as much conflict. In fact, they found the piece’s protector, Colonel Gentleman (y’know, the Sean Connery guy from last season’s “Past Tense”), dead in his home, with nothing but a cane and a diary full of pointless lists (”Good Names For An Imaginary Friend”, “Hollywood Actresses That Need A Smack In The Mouth”). As Dean (or “Sherlock Homo”, as Hank called him) looked through the diary, Hank accidentally cracked open the top of the cane and revealed the hidden piece inside.
For the final piece of the puzzle, Doc and Brock (and The Inquisitor) flew to New York. On the ride over, Doc had another weird umbilical cord dream (this one showed how he felt inferior to his tiny brother).
Doc: I thought I was done with those crappy dreams –
The Inquisitor: THAT WAS A WEIRD ONE.
Doc: Great. You can read my mind –
The Inquisitor: IGNORE MEEEE! … YES, I CAN.
Doc and Brock arrived at NY’s Impossible Industries, where Venture Industries HQ once stood. Professor Impossible (from last season’s “Ice Station Impossible”; voiced by the glorious Stephen Colbert) was inside, arguing with his wife, Sally. She felt that he was spending too much time with science rather than their child, Rocket (we found out Sally was pregnant after the credits of “Ice Station Impossible”). Of course, Professor wasn’t a particularly sensitive father… or husband, for that matter. And little did he know, Doc had called Sally to meet him on the subway and help him sneak into the building. I really liked the small detail that was thrown in the background of their secret rendezvous… If you listen closely, you can hear a hobo giving one of those “seriously, throw some change in my Dixie Cup” speeches. Anyway, Sally was clearly still hopelessly devoted to Doc, so she happily obliged, thinking that she’d get to run off with him (ha, fat chance). Meanwhile, Ned the Human Callous took Rocket to the park, where Hank and Dean were waiting. Somehow, Impossible agents tracked down Ned and captured him and the boys (leaving Rocket to crawl around… alone). Back in the building, Professor caught Sally sneaking Doc and Brock inside, so he tied up (um… “laser-tied”?) everyone, including Jonas Jr. and the captain. Professor then did his little villain-thing and revealed that he had long-known about the hidden piece in his HQ. As he assembled the machine and tried dealing with a panicked Sally (she realized Rocket was missing and was pissed that Professor didn’t really give a shit), Jonas Jr. secretly contacted H.E.L.P.eR to punch some codes and free everyone. Fun Fact: You can always tell it’s a Jackson Publick script if H.E.L.P.eR actually does something helpful. H.E.L.P.eR quickly scrambled out of the X-1, leaving The Inquisitor to loudly excuse himself (to no one) as he also stepped off the jet. Outside, he found Rocket and, after being cooed at for a while, shouted, “IGNORE ME!” Holy crap, I’m going to be quoting/yelling that all summer.
After H.E.L.P.eR worked his magic and disengaged the laser-ties, Brock and Jonas Jr. leaped into action and stretched out Professor Impossible’s face, drilling his flesh into the walls. Professor fought back by expanding his body until he pushed everyone and everything (but himself and the machine, which Professor grabbed just in time) out the windows. After everyone scrambled to hold on to Professor’s stretchy torso, they were plummeted into the NY underground and were almost hit by a subway car. With some quick thinking, Brock tied Professor’s leg to the car and instructed everyone to climb up and away to the surface for safety. The subway car sped off and, after reaching its stretch-limit, Professor’s leg broke off the bar it was tied to and snapped all the way back up to knock Professor unconscious, causing him to drop the machine. Oh, man. It was such. A. Cool. Moment. It was very different from what I was used to seeing on the show, but in a good way. Another Fun Fact: You can always tell it’s a Jackson Publick script if there are relatively action-packed scenes (apparently, Doc Hammer’s not too good at that kind of thing).
The machine fell right in front of the gang, unbroken, exactly as Brock’s watch struck midnight. Seconds later, The Inquisitor pulled up in a cab, with Rocket in hand. The Inquisitor announced that the moment of Judgment was upon them (and, of course, when the cabbie asked for the fare, The Inquisitor responded with — scream it with me — “IGNORE ME!”). Suddenly, a bright light burst from the machine and Jonas Venture stepped out. He smiled, pulled out a laser-gun, shot The Inquisitor in the head, and turned to leave. Doc was thoroughly shocked but refused to let his father go again. In tears, he begged to know why he was left alone for twenty years. Awww. “Oh, Rusty. You are never alone. Those stars — well, okay, you can’t see them right now ’cause we’re in the city — but those stars… They’re always watching us!” Well, that touching moment wasn’t enough. Doc and Jonas Jr. begged for him to stay. Then, Jonas made an interesting revelation… Okay, I thought this was the funniest damn moment in the entire episode. I laughed so loudly that I almost woke up my sister sleeping in the other room. And then I watched it, like, ten more times. Seriously.
Jonas Venture: Ohh… Alright. Look. I’m not really your father, okay? I’m an alien that was sent here to this appointed time to kill that guy ’cause he would have destroyed all life as you know it.
Jonas Jr. and Doc: What?!
“Jonas”: I took the form of your dad because I figured it’d be easier to accept. I didn’t want to stress you out. End of the world, life on other planets, blah blah blah.
Doc: Why… you… son of a bitch! Do you know what you just put me through?! What the fuck were you thinking?! What kind of fucked up planet are you from where you think showing up as my dead fucking father is supposed to make me feel any better?!
“Jonas”: Okay, take it easy –
Doc: You prick!
“Jonas”: Look, I just saved your entire planet –
Doc: PRICK!
“Jonas”: Alright, fine! You wanna see?! Here! [”Jonas” starts to rip open his face; we only see everyone’s looks of horror and a bright light from “Jonas”’s direction] There! That would have been better?! If I had shown up like that out of nowhere?! Look at you. You practically crapped your pants! [points at Ned] Except him. He crapped his pants!
Way to poke fun at Contact. Hell yes. Ahem, anyway. Totally pissed off, “Jonas” walked through the machine and the entire thing disappeared in a flash. Everyone but Doc seemed pretty pleased that they had just saved the world (and finally got The Inquisitor to shut up). Hank and Dean finished up by shouting, “Go Team Venture!” and high-fiving each other. What? High-five? No “V”-shape finger-tip connecting thingy? Weird. And it wasn’t even a normal high-five. It was one of those wonky full-arm ones where the elbows are touching.
After the credits, Jonas Jr. and Sally flirted as Professor helplessly continued to flap in the wind, like a flag, high in the NY air.
The Venture Bros: Dr. Quymn, Medicine Woman
I’m not sure what I just watched, and I’m not sure if I liked it. I recently realized that my anticipation from week to week has been less about looking forward to another episode and more about waiting for something as awesome as “Escape to the House of Mummies, Part II” or “Twenty Years To Midnight” to come along. The show is still amazing and all, but it’s not packing the same punch as before. Last season, I had a new favorite just about every week, but this time around, I have to watch the episodes multiple times before I really like it. It’s like I’ve built up a tolerance to The Venture Bros. Soon, I’ll have to cop four or five viewings a week, just to get that same high.
The only part of the episode that I absolutely loved was the flashback to the key party. I was so disappointed to see that it was such a brief part of the show. Come on! A swingers party hosted by Jonas Venture, Sr. would be insane. And the only man would ignore a pink-haired super-fox like Mz. Quymn is one that has his eyes set on getting a Kiki to his William S. Burroughs. It was really fantastic to see Colonel Gentleman again. This flashback also provided some extra insight into Rusty’s messed up childhood. I mean, his dad almost banged another man’s wife on top of him. That’s instant trauma.
The majority of the episode was dominated by the jungle storyline. Either Doctor Venture has completely lost that sense of awareness that he gained at the end of “The Doctor Is Sin” or he’s incredibly desperate to cure his impotence, because he seems to be back to his usual ways and stealing idols from native tribes. After almost getting killed while running through the jungle, Doctor Venture was saved by an old childhood friend and geeky Lara Croft, Tara Quymn. She often kept him company during their parents’ scandalous shindigs (note: other famous guests included Twiggy and Sammy Davis, Jr).
The rest of the Venture family continued looking for ways to make money, training an orangutan (Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose?) to box with Dean. Wouldn’t you know it, Quymn’s had a similar family set-up, with a big lady-bodyguard named Ginnie and twin girls named Nancy and Drew. Nice. And was I the only one that was going crazy over the American attempts at English accents? Maybe I watch too much British television, but I kept cringing at things as minor as saying “planned” like “pl-ahn-d”. Yeah, I definitely watch too much British television. Anyway, Hank was immediately interested in the blonde Nancy and Drew, but the girls only had eyes for Dean. I guess Nancy and Drew were a little too clean-cut for Dean, because he didn’t respond quite as the girls wanted him too. Also, Hank likes to reference rabbit gods, evidently, or maybe he just likes Watership Down.
The two Doctors spent much of their time together, exploring the jungle and catching up on their years apart. Ginnie didn’t seem quite so keen on the Quymns getting to know the Ventures in this way, but she had her own little project, making Brock feel as uncomfortable as possible. Speaking of Brock, I love how he is so secure with his masculinity that he’s able to make those denim cut-offs work. That’s really saying something, considering those things are short enough for the pockets to peek out the bottom. His discomfort in dealing with Ginnie’s advances and then not-advances was hilarious. Has Mr. Samson finally met a woman that he doesn’t know how to handle? In any way?
A wereodile (or two) began terrorizing the camp, and the natives warned the Quymns and Ventures that this was because Doctor Venture ran off with their idol. Dean grew increasingly paranoid with each boy detective investigation, suspecting everyone but his brother to be a wereodile. He even managed to bring back the failed catchphrase, “Super run away!” Hank was too busy trying to impress the girls to be his brother’s partner in crime, though.
Dean: You used to be all ’Go Team Venture!’ but now you’re all ’Go Team… Boobies’!
Disappointed Dean ran off to solve the mystery on his own, only to be attacked by his main suspects, Nancy and Drew. Wow, those girls are aggressive. Full of Kleenex padding and aggressive. I’m surprised they weren’t immediately turned off by Dean’s banshee-like screams of horror, though. Their session barely got anywhere before it was interrupted by Ginnie’s angry shouts nearby. Hank, on the other hand, was in the clearing, waiting for the twins, but was instead greeted by a wereodile. Thankfully, he was saved at the last moment by… Clyde! Speaking of kicking ass, I have a request for a future episode: Can we just have half an hour of Triana fighting the Quymn twins? Christmas special, perhaps?
Meanwhile, in the other hut… the Doctors were about to get it on. Doctor Venture hasn’t gotten any for nineteen years, two months and four days? In “I Know Why The Caged Bird Kills”, Myra revealed that Hank and Dean are really supposed to be 19, so… Wow. Hank and Dean really are major cockblockers. I’m surprised that there’s been little to no talk about the possibility of Quymn being the boys’ mother. She has Dean-like red hair and her daughters are blonde… And it was kind of tough to hear, but this is what it sounded like Ginnie was saying when she slammed Rusty into the wall, “I’m not gonna let you put your seed in her and walk out that door again!” But then again, Doctor Venture insisted that he hadn’t seen Quymn since he was ten, so now I’m just extra confused. Ginnie had a wealth of information in her crazy rant, but was it a case of mistaken identity or double-amnesia between Quymn and Venture?
My brain hurts.
Anyway, Ginnie went on her crazy rant and almost killed Doctor Venture. Brock jumped in just in time to wrassle Ginnie in the fiery hut. In all this chaos, Quymn starting having a seizure. To Dean, this looked like a wereodile transformation, so he started beating her with a chair. God, this was more wrong than knocking on-fire Brisby out of his wheelchair. This snapped Ginnie out of her rage real quick, and she promptly took Quymn outside for some air.
Doctor Venture: I almost fucked a wereodile!
Dean: We have to stop her transformation before she kills us all. The power of Christ compels you!
Ginnie: She’s not a wereodile, she’s an epileptic!
Doctor Venture: Eww!
Quymn’s real demon turned out to be her smoking habit. Fair enough. After all this, the two families jumped on their respective jets and parted ways. The winners in this situation? The tribesmen in the wereodile costumes, retreating to their huts with big screens and comfy couches. The obvious loser? Hank, the new honorary warrior. Didn’t he already have a circumcision (referenced in Season One)? Either something very strange happened or Doctor Venture forgot to do something after he re-cloned the boys.
Shirt of the Week: Dean! I certainly did not see this coming. This shirt is amazing. I forget which season DVD commentary it was, but I remember Doc Hammer and Jackson Publick talking about how hilariously horrible it would be if they finally came out with VB merchandise and it was just stuff like some HELPeR underwear and a brown ringer shirt that said DEAN across the chest. And here it is. Wow. Does that mean we get HELPeR underwear next week? Or a shirt with a picture of HELPeR underwear?
Wanted To Become A Trilogy?
I saw Wanted the other day and I enjoyed it. Good action, nice twist towards the end and of course, Angelina Jolie. It seems a lot of people thought the same as me because it did rather well for an R-Rated movie. It is the second biggest opening that didn’t reach number #1 (damn you Wall-E!) and has already made back its budget with a total of $90 million as I type.
Universal are currently choking on money, and when they finally spit it out there is a good chance they will be wanting more. (See what I did there? The movie is called Wanted and I said ‘wanting’ and made it italic…I’m hilarious!)
Cinema Blend are saying that a source told them that Universal want to go international next time round. Spoilers below.
For the sequels their idea is to take Wanted international, and have James McAvoy’s Wesley character fighting Fraternity cells all over the world. It seems Sloane isn’t the only Fraternity leader who has been ignoring the instructions of fate, it’s something that’s been happening for centuries, and that means a lot of Sloane’s peers are now pretty pissed off at Wesley.
They also say:
It’s surprising, since by the end of the film both Jolie and Freeman’s characters are quite definitively dead. That’s no barrier for Hollywood though. The plan is to involve them in flashbacks which will explore the past of Angelina Jolie’s Fox, and allow us to meet the man who trained and recruited her. That person could become a major villain in the sequels, which would explain the flashback links to Jolie and Freeman.
Bring it on I say!
Flipping Out: Sell Out (season premiere)
I watched the first season of Flipping Out on Bravo last summer based on a teaser I saw during Top Chef 3. The show is about a real estate “flipper” who buys properties, fixes them up and then resells them for a profit. You might say, “Yawn, that’s just like a bunch of other shows on TLC, Discovery, et al.” Well, yes, that’s true.
But Flipping Out isn’t really about the flipping, it’s about the flipper — Jeff Lewis. This guy Lewis is not normal. I mean it, he’s not. He says he’s not. He’s obsessive compulsive and it comes out in everything he does. It makes him a better flipper, because of his attention to detail, but it also makes him really hard to take if you’re his employee, partner or contractor. But, boy, is it fun to watch Jeff Lewis’s life! That’s what Flipping Out is really all about and it’s back.
The episode began with a nice flashback set up, plunging us right in the middle of Jeff’s latest drama. Oh my, somebody on the phone is flipping out on Jeff, yelling, dropping f-bombs and treating him like a lackey. Has Jeff met his match — and how did he end up in this situation?
Well, as we all know, the real estate market is a disaster. Just watch the evening news and you know that, and it’s even worse in the high end LA market in which Jeff Lewis operates. He and his partner Ryan simply can’t flip four or five houses like they have in the past, so they are forced to take work as consultants on a big remodeling job. Ryan gets them a gig — at $25,000 a month — restoring a historical mansion in Hancock Park. After a year of working with contractors, the place is a mess and Courtney, the owner, expects Ryan and Jeff to get things sorted out. As Jeff puts it, he’s the new sheriff in town.
You might think going back to remodeling would be a piece of cake for Jeff. Um, no. The control freak in him can’t handle working for Courtney. She wants multiple bids for construction work, she wants choices, she wants things her way. Jeff tries to keep it together. He wants to prove that he can take the classic Dorothy Chandler house and restore it to 1911 standards, and Jeff says he’s trying to see things from Courtney’s point of view. But ultimately, Jeff’s true feelings emerge. He can’t work for another person. It’s prostitution. He says to Ryan, “Here I am, whoring myself for business.”
Ryan, in typical passive mode, just listens to Jeff go on and on. And Jeff’s really good at over-dramatizing. As they eat Japanese food, Jeff says he’s depressed. “Seriously depressed. I feel like I’m medicated.” Ryan tries to placate him, reminding him that they need the business. Jeff counters that Ryan is a whore, too. “You’re also Courtney’s bitch.”
Courtney’s characterized as a complete bitch. In one segment, she agrees to Jeff’s choices of contractors. A week later, she’s screaming at him on the phone — the opening scene — and there’s a definite disconnect. Jeff is shaking with anger. Jenni knows better than to do anything other than reinforce his feelings. She backs him 100 percent, and if she’s to be trusted, and based on what we were shown, Jeff does seem to be in the right on this one. The question is, will Jeff put up with this crap? Will he keep the job or quit?
Other points of interest
- Jeff is still a maniac about his food. When Zoila makes him breakfast, he questions the bacon. Is it the thick bacon. Then he complains, “The bacon is too crispy.”
- Zoila speaks, but Jeff cannot understand what she’s saying, but that’s okay because Zoila is like a surrogate mom. He doesn’t yell at Zoila — not yet.
- What’s with Chris Elwood and the iPod earphones? He had them in every shot. Of course, maybe it’s the secret to his new success. As Jeff tells us in the voiceover, Chris is doing a better job now than ever before.
- Chris has been promoted from trash guy to house assistant to house manager. None of the title changes come with an increase in pay. Jeff figures he can just keep giving him new job titles.
- The new trash guy/house assistant is Chris Keslar. He sees his job as an apprenticeship, wanting to emulate Jeff’s success. However, when Chris E. teaches him how to organize the refrigerator — don’t you organize yours? Chris K. blanches. “Really?” Nevertheless, he learns to line up the six French Vanilla Coffee Mates, two half-gallon Tropicana Orange Juices, and six martini olive jars.
- Ryan and Chloe. When Ryan can’t make it to an appointment because he watches Saturday morning cartoons with his daughter, Jeff scoffs. Actually, it’s more like jealousy.
- Jeff and the food continues to be a deal. When he orders a Starbucks, his order includes the temperature of the coffee. “Make it 150 degrees.” He can tell if its 140.
- Jeff and Zoila are living in Commonwealth, one of the houses flipped from last year, and it really turned out beautifully. Jeff may be nuts, but his homes are show pieces. Or Bravo has made sure they are.