Woof! Woof! Arsenio Back on TV
Arsenio Hall’s comeback is on.
The former late-night jokemeister has come aboard to emcee Funniest Moments, an hourlong clips-style reality show for MyNetwork TV in the vein of America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Funniest Moments will premiere this fall on Wednesdays at 9 p.m.
After the syndicated Arsenio Hall Show went off the air in May 1994 after five seasons, Hall struggled to retain his popularity.
He headlined the short-lived 1997 sitcom Arsenio and, the following year, costarred with Sammo Hung in the CBS series Martial Law. In 2003, he did a short stint hosting a revival of Star Search, popped up in a skit on Chappelle’s Show and, more recently, as himself in VH1’s Flavor of Love 3.
Besides landing a new TV gig, Hall, 53, continues to do stand-up in his spare time and is also lending his voice to the upcoming Weinstein Company animated comedy Igor, unspooling in September.
Super Skank Wednesday: Reunions! & Miss Rap Supreme stinkage factor — VIDEOS
Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, Charm School, and Miss Rap Supreme.
After the jump, I’ll talk about this Monday’s Flavor of Love 3 Reunion, The Bad Girls Club reunion from last week called “Unfinished Business,” and Miss Rap Supreme.Miss Rap Supreme: A Pile of Stinkage
This show has been disappointing. How can you have a cast like that and not have more drama? I mean, every week, it’s more of the same: Chiba vs. Byata. This week the best drama they piece together was Chiba yelling at Byata to clean the kitchen, Byata having her period, Rece getting drunk, and Nicky2States taking care of her. Really? That’s the best they could come up with? Last week, the teaser made it seem like there were new fights: Miss Cherry vs. Byata and Nicky2States vs. Chiba.
And Nicky2States is gone now — my favorite female not-quite-a-rapper-reality-star. She’s the one who caused all the drama the first week. Remember when she told off D.A.B. for being a “recovering” crackhead? By the way, did you think that she should have been eliminated? I thought her 16 bars were stronger than Rece Steele’s. But, what do I know? I’m not a rapper.
Flavor of Love 3 Reunion: After the Lovin’
How is it that Bret Michaels and Rock of Love has eclipsed Flavor Flav, the man that started it all on celebreality television? Whatever the case, after a lackluster season of Flavor of Love, we were treated to a dull and weirdly edited reunion. It was so contrived. I felt like I was watching a rerun of American Idol. Somebody get Heather Chadwell and Angelique in there to spice it up.
I have a few questions…
1. What was with the T-Rex statues?
2. What was with the editing?
3. What was with the crying?
The answer to question one is easy. It’s Flav. The man wears a giant clock and a viking helmet, and carries around a
bejeweled goblet. So, I guess number one shouldn’t have been an issue. I was just wondering why the T-Rexes weren’t huge reindeer. He said he loved them. Who doesn’t love reindeer? I guess for that matter, who doesn’t love T-Rexes?
Let’s get to questions two and three. I think the reunion show was edited weirdly. And I’m not talkin’ clever reality show editing. I’m just talkin’ questionable editing choices. What did you think?
It seems to me like we missed a lot between those cuts. For example, Thing 2 didn’t seem surprised at all that Flav would be breaking up with her on national television (he took a page out of Jes’s book with that one). She was happy to see him then at peace with his decision to rekindle his relationship with Liz his baby-mama. (Sidenote: I hope Flav gets Liz some Crest Whitestrips. Just sayin’.) I feel like we missed the freak out in between where Thing 2 lashes out about Flav dumping her. I feel like that freak out might be on the cutting room floor. Thanks for phoning it in, editors.
That brings me to the crying. Everyone cried! And with some people, it came out of nowhere. Take Hotlanta for instance. Her interview went from “Tee hee, I drink a lot,” to “Boo hoo, I need a drink.” The evidence is here people. Take a look for yourselves. But, the crying wasn’t all bad. The high point of the reunion was definitely Sinceer crying and the rest of the girls heckling her. And did you see her new boobs? She took a page out of New York’s book with that move. I feel like the Flavorettes may have read my Guide to Celebreality Reunions.
And Sinceer called her boobs stress balls, saying she got implants because she has anger management issues. First, I wonder how long it took her to write that joke. Second, that’s just plain creepy. I don’t know anyone who grabs her breasts in anger when she needs to relieve stress.
The Bad Girls Reunion: Unfinished Business
Speaking of reunions…
So, I know this happened last Tuesday night, but I finish writing this article by Tuesday afternoon so I didn’t include it in last week’s Super Skank Wednesday. But, there’s always this week! If you missed The Bad Girls Club reunion (hosted by none other than Star Jones), I included the videos.
Here’s my favorite part of the video:
Lyric: I would be jealous of me too. I don’t give a damn.
Tanisha: Oh, boo, you have nothing for me to be jealous of.
Lyric: Oh, please. You a cheeseburger away from obese.
Tanisha: Oh really? And you’re a grasshopper, bitch. You’re a grasshoppin’ stick, bitch.
Lyric: You’re a hater.
Tanisha: So, fall back like whoa, bitch. Cause you could never do it like me.
And it just gets better from there. I will be jacking the phrase “fall back like whoa” for the rest of the summer. I sincerely hope we see Tanisha again some day soon. That was a great reunion fight–on par with Heather Vs. Daisy and with Buckwild throwing her shoe at New York. They didn’t even need Star Jones to host. Speaking of hosting talk shows, somebody needs to fire Tyra Banks or Dr. Phil or even Oprah and give Tanisha her own show.
That’s it for me. Join me next week as I scrape the bottom of the barrel for skanky television until I Love Money makes its glorious debut. I may even watch Denise Richards: It’s Complicated or Living Lohan. Did any of you watch them? They premiered on E! this past Monday at 10 p.m.
Good-bye for now! Happy Super Skank Wednesday!
Super Skank Wednesday: A quick round-up and some Vs. match-ups
Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, and Charm School. Basically, I’ll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.
After the jump, I’m doing a quick round-up of this Sunday’s Rock of Love 2 and Monday’s Flavor of Love 3 just in case any of SSW readers didn’t see the shows. Then it’s on to the fun part. I call it “And In This Corner.” It’s a series of match-ups between Flavor of Love and Rock of Love girls past and present.
Quick Round-Up
Rock of Love 2: Oh my God! Bret was without his hat or his bandana on Sunday. There’s an elephant in the room…and it’s Bret’s weave. We met the parents too. Poor Destiney’s dad is dying of liver cancer. Ambre’s dad outed her real age: 37. She lied and told Bret she was 31. Daisy apparently has no parents but Charles’ sister showed up. In the end, Bret got rid of Destiney because she said she loved “the experience” whereas Daisy and Ambre said they are in love with Bret. He also felt that Destiney should spend some more time with her Dad. Click here to watch the episode extras.
Next week we go to Cancun for the finale. Who do you want to win Rock of Love 2? Leave your opinion in the comments.
Flavor of Love 3: The ladies had to simulate a wedding and a funeral this past Monday. First Flav “married” Black and Tree went ballistic with the objection. Thing 2 didn’t get Flav’s real name right in her vows (calling him William Drake instead of William Drayton). And Hotlanta showed up drunk for her own wedding. Get this. When Sinceer objected to the union of Hotlanta and Flav, he didn’t say anything but “Wow! Wow! Wow!” He ended up eliminating Luscious D and Hotlanta.
And in This Corner: Skankastic Match-Ups
I think this will be fun. I can’t wait to read your comments about my match-ups and predictions. If you have any match-ups you think I should have addressed, leave those in the comments too.
1. Heather from RofL1 and New York from FofL1 & 2 and ILNY1 & 2
Two runner-ups for the respective hearts of Bret and Flav. Two beasts that couldn’t be tamed. Two ladies who have suffered the scorn of unrequited love.
Okay, enough. The winner is Heather, hands down. I know New York is a bad ass and she probably would’ve kicked the crap out of Pumpkin that fateful day if it didn’t compromise her spot in Flav’s mansion. BUT, she’s a lot of hot air. If it was a verbal contest, she’d make Heather cry. But in a physical bout, I have to give it to Heather. She’s in better shape (I hear a stripper pole works wonders for the muscles) and more than anything else, Heather could so take a hit in the face. I think New York would get hit once in the nose, start bleeding, and start screaming that she’s going to sue Heather.
2. Pumpkin from FofL1 Vs. Hotlanta of FofL3
One has a penchant for spitting. One possibly has the gerps (my nickname for herpes). This would be a good fight because these two are scrappers. I can’t say for sure who would win though. Pumpkin would definitely spit on Hotlanta. I think Hotlanta would get a few bitch slaps in. I think I’ll put it to you for the winner. Who do you think would come out victorious?
3. Saaphyri from FofL2 and winner of Charm School Vs. Lacey from RofL1
One is from 54th and Crenshaw. One belongs in a psycho-ward. Who will win?
This would be the main event of the night if I was actually planning a Pay-Per-View event. Why? Because these girls would throw down for at least a few rounds. I think either one isn’t afraid to get hit and both have done some hitting themselves. Here’s how I think it would go down. Lacey would talk so much shit. Then Saaphyri would pounce on her and pummel her face. Now, this is where it would get good. Lacey, who belongs in a straight-jacket, would get up, face all bloody, and still want to fight. I think this move would throw Saaphyri’s game off a little bit and Lacey would land a few good punches. But, Saaphyri would be the winner in the end.
4. Inna from RofL2 Vs. Rodeo from RofL1
Inna is the Ukrainian love tank. But, Rodeo is a tank. On account of extra testosterone alone, I think Rodeo would wipe the floor with Inna. And it would be over quick. Maybe that wasn’t a fair match-up?
5. Bootz and Buckey from FofL2 and Charm School Vs. Thing 1 and Thing 2 from FofL3
Thing 1 and Thing 2 have special twin power but I think Bootz and Buckey would pull this one out. We’ve seen Bootz and Buckey be pretty aggressive on their shows. I think B & B would fight dirty and then the twins would run and tattle to Flav.
6. Hottie from FofL1 and Charm School Vs. Raina from FofL3
Both are ridiculous. Both are self-absorbed. Both live in their own world. And both are sneaky. We’ve seen Hottie (whose real name is Shatar) steal the other girls’ dresses on Charm School. Raina (allegedly) had a guy call the Flavor of Love 3 house to get a girl in trouble. But only one of them has an aggressive side and that’s Raina. For that reason, I think Raina would win. Hottie would be in disbelief that she was even in a fight. Or, since “Princess” Hottie thinks she’s a descendant of royalty, she’d probably be wondering why her servants weren’t there to help her out.
I got to give credit to my good friend who sent me an email with these match-ups she’d like to see. I’ll let you readers pick the winners.
- Destiney from RofL2 Vs. Brandi M from RofL1 in a battle of the drunken bi-sexual skanks.
- Buckwild from FofL2 and Charm School Vs. Ice from FofL3 in a battle of the confused white chicks.
- Sam from Rof1 and Kristy-Joe from RofL2 in a battle of the hyper-sensitive basketcase skanks.
Maybe next time we should discuss a few I Love New York match-ups? Until then, happy Super Skank Wednesday!
Super Skank Wednesday: Daisy’s Diaries & Flavor of Love is finally getting good — VIDEOS
Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, and Charm School. Basically, I’ll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.
After the jump…Daisy’s Diaries: Enter the mind of a psycho & Why Flavor of Love 3 finally got good Monday night.
We’ll get to Daisy. But first, let’s talk about the awesomeness that was Sunday night.
With the help of Heather, Bret whittled his way down to three remaining strumpets. The gang went to Vegas for some, er, golf? But Jessica didn’t seem to mind her twilight golf date with the big B. In fact, it was an opportunity to show Bret something she’s really good at. “I played varsity golf in high school,” she said during her one-on-one. And she’s upset because he finds her too innocent?
Destiney and Jessica set out to conquer the golf course; but not before Heather got her scuzzy paws on their hair. Why on earth would you trust Heather with your hair? The styling session, however, did produce the best line of the night: “These girls are so stupid. 80s hair is so out. Even I know that now” (Heather).
But let’s discuss Daisy, who stole the show Sunday. I know I’ve obsessed about her before. She just gets more and more interesting. Over the past two weeks, we’ve found out that Daisy still lives with her ex-boyfriend (for two years!) and has “hung out with” (or “had sex with”) Bret’s bandmate C.C. Deville. It just gets better.
Why is Daisy so intriguing? She’s a complete psychopath, she’s got a smokin’ hot body, and her faces looks like… well, let’s just say her face isn’t quite as attractive as her body. If you want to finish that sentence, leave your similes in the comments. “Daisy’s face looks like [fill in the blank].”
To celebrate Daisy, I have some of her videos from Rock of Love 2’s extras. You’re going to love ’em.
Thanks D! I didn’t know that people give birth in the ocean (rich people, of course). And dolphins swim around them as they deliver? I’m so doing that.
video.vh1.com
Do you guys remember that? It had to be the worst rendition of the national anthem I have EVER heard.
I know you could’ve guessed that Daisy and Bret have done the horizontal mambo but I think that confirms it. Do you think Bret has seen Daisy’s face yet? I wonder if he looks at her and merely sees a tightly toned figure with gigantic fake breasts and no head?
video.vh1.com
Okay, eyes are the first thing that Bret Michaels notices? No, no, no. He just heard someone else say that and thought, “Oh, that sounds good. Like I’m not just into big tits.” And now, that’s what he tells every girl.
video.vh1.com
That one was just for fun. I’ll admit it. I got nothing.
Flavor of Love 3: Finally Getting Good
So how do you improve a mediocre season of Flavor of Love? Add four more skanks, give them alcohol, and make them do a hip-hopera. And there were so many good moments tonight. I could barely even wrap my mind around everything that went down in Flav’s mansion.
*sings* On the fourth day of Christmas, Saaphyri and Buckwild gave to me, four new skanky hoe-bags…
We met Prototype, whose name was later changed to “Phototype” because she let on that she’s a commercial model and video girl.
We met Luscious D who has gigantic fake breasts. Sinceer chimed in, “Well, anybody can buy those” when LD introduced herself. Buckwild retorted, “Ya’ll didn’t.” I have two things to say here. One. I miss Buckwild. Two. Do you think that Luscious D went into the wrong audition? It seems like she’d be much better suited to compete for the heart of Bret “Eyes Are the Most Important Thing to Me” Michaels.
Speaking of eyes, we also met Candace Cabrera who wanted to be called “Blue” because Flav will be mesmerized by her baby blues. I think he really wanted to call her “Big Boobs Magoo” but that was too long so he shortened it to “Black” after the color of her dress.
Lastly, we met Tree, an Amazon woman who eats small children (allegedly). And of course, the “she’s a man” jokes were in abundance. Hotlanta said, “It’s a ’gude.’ It’s a girl-dude.” Well, really, who needs to waste breath on “hermaphrodite” or “androgynous” when you can just say, “gude.” Like Hotlanta, Prancer swears that Tree is a man, “And I will not believe otherwise until I see a vagina.”
But the addition of more skanks wasn’t the only thing that happened on Monday night. The twins were finally split up! And boy, do they have very different views on sharing Flav. Thing 2 (the skinny one) seemed really genuine about how much she cares for Flav. When it comes to her man, she is uncomfortable with going halves with her twin. Thing 1 (the chubby one), on the other hand, didn’t see anything wrong with the whole Big Love set-up.
The new girls were so taken with Thing 2’s interview that they awarded her the immunity clock. And here’s the best part: Flav took the twins’ clock and crossed off the wrong twin! I love it! I love Flav! He felt so bad that he let Thing 2 wear his bedazzled gold clock for the time being.
See you next week!