The Venture Bros: Twenty Years to Midnight
It’s been two weeks since a fresh episode of The Venture Bros. Two viciously agonizing, heinously miserable, adverb adjective weeks. However, “Twenty Years to Midnight” made the wait completely worthwhile. The amount of action was a nice surprise, a true throwback to the show’s original roots: a take-off of the 60’s cheesy, mystery-adventure cartoons. All these amazing elements have caused me some inner conflict. See, in my last VB post, I said that “Escape to the House of Mummies Part II” had become my favorite… Well, now I don’t know how to feel. My heart is now painfully torn between a Doc Hammer script and a Jackson Publick script! Ohh, “Twenty Years” is truly worthy contender for my love. The guest appearance by Stephen Colbert didn’t hurt, either.
Okay, so we saw a weird robot/alien thing touch down near the Venture compound, sneaking around and peeking through windows. I originally thought he was sent from The Guild of Calamitous Intent (judging by the colors), but, since they weren’t mentioned in the episode, I guess not. Meanwhile, Brock was cleaning around the house and found a box of some of Doc Venture’s old stuff. Inside, Doc found cameras and tapes that his father had purchased for him back in the day. On one of the tapes, Jonas Venture explained that he had created an extremely powerful machine. However, some radio transmissions across space and time told him that the machine was too advanced for mankind at that point and needed to be dismantled, pieces hidden all around the globe, before it fell into the wrong hands. Fun Fact: As demonstrated in the flashback, “The Floor Is Lava” is the best/most inexpensive childhood game ever. Anyway, the transmissions said the machine would also one day save mankind. Jonas explained to Doc that on May 4th of Doc’s 44th year, at exactly at midnight, the machine must be activated to prevent disaster. Realizing that May 4th loomed just 16 hours away, Team Venture needed to retrieve find all the pieces as soon as possible.
After the Ventures took some notes from the video, the giant robot/alien thing approached them. Doc’s surprised cry of “Ladysmith Black Mambazo!” was hilarious. The robot/alien thing informed them, in grainy audio through the speaker in his chest, that he was The Grand Galactic Inquisitor, on Earth to study the behavior of humans. The Ventures happened to be his chosen sample family, but The Inquisitor didn’t want his 12-foot high, massive presence to disturb their regular goings-on (”IGNORE ME!”). Reluctantly, the Ventures let him tag along on the X-1. They flew to Spider Skull Island to pick up the first piece of the machine and the X-2 boat, currently under the possession of Jonas Jr. While Doc showed the tape to Jonas Jr., Brock and the boys attempted to take the boat. There, they found the pirate guy from last season’s “Ghosts of the Sargasso”. Apparently, Jonas, Jr. hired him to captain the X-2. Neat. After Jonas Jr. got the full story, he took charge and instructed everyone to break into three teams to quickly find the remaining three pieces of the machine (Doc and Brock on the X-1, Jonas Jr. and the captain on the X-2, and Hank and Dean on the X-X-1). As the boat and two planes took off, a bright Venture logo spun on the screen. It was such a perfect action-cartoon moment! The recurring spinny logo really added to the episode’s action-y feel.
Jonas Jr. and the captain scuba’d to an underwater location. There, they encountered a drugged up guy with a moustache and a gun. Although they didn’t call him “Mr. Quest” until the very end, I could tell it was Jonny straight away. Really fucking hilarious. He had a ripped-up shirt, a rubber tube around his bicep, a teardrop tattoo, and was voiced by Home Movies’ Brendon Small. Jonas Jr. tried to explain that Jonas had left an important piece of the machine with Dr. Quest, but Jonny almost lost control at the mention of his father. The captain persuaded Jonny to drop the gun after he explained that Jonas Jr. was a doctor and could write prescriptions for anything. Jonny finally collapsed and helplessly cried, “I’m in real pain.” I didn’t really get what happened after that… The next we saw Jonas Jr., he was back on the X-2 and already had his piece of the machine. The captain said, “Ohh, quit your sour-pussin’. You got what you needed.” So… Was Jonas Jr. just seriously against throwing around prescriptions? Or did they shoot Jonny and put him out of his misery? Or… what? Hm.
The boys, on the other hand, didn’t have as much conflict. In fact, they found the piece’s protector, Colonel Gentleman (y’know, the Sean Connery guy from last season’s “Past Tense”), dead in his home, with nothing but a cane and a diary full of pointless lists (”Good Names For An Imaginary Friend”, “Hollywood Actresses That Need A Smack In The Mouth”). As Dean (or “Sherlock Homo”, as Hank called him) looked through the diary, Hank accidentally cracked open the top of the cane and revealed the hidden piece inside.
For the final piece of the puzzle, Doc and Brock (and The Inquisitor) flew to New York. On the ride over, Doc had another weird umbilical cord dream (this one showed how he felt inferior to his tiny brother).
Doc: I thought I was done with those crappy dreams –
The Inquisitor: THAT WAS A WEIRD ONE.
Doc: Great. You can read my mind –
The Inquisitor: IGNORE MEEEE! … YES, I CAN.
Doc and Brock arrived at NY’s Impossible Industries, where Venture Industries HQ once stood. Professor Impossible (from last season’s “Ice Station Impossible”; voiced by the glorious Stephen Colbert) was inside, arguing with his wife, Sally. She felt that he was spending too much time with science rather than their child, Rocket (we found out Sally was pregnant after the credits of “Ice Station Impossible”). Of course, Professor wasn’t a particularly sensitive father… or husband, for that matter. And little did he know, Doc had called Sally to meet him on the subway and help him sneak into the building. I really liked the small detail that was thrown in the background of their secret rendezvous… If you listen closely, you can hear a hobo giving one of those “seriously, throw some change in my Dixie Cup” speeches. Anyway, Sally was clearly still hopelessly devoted to Doc, so she happily obliged, thinking that she’d get to run off with him (ha, fat chance). Meanwhile, Ned the Human Callous took Rocket to the park, where Hank and Dean were waiting. Somehow, Impossible agents tracked down Ned and captured him and the boys (leaving Rocket to crawl around… alone). Back in the building, Professor caught Sally sneaking Doc and Brock inside, so he tied up (um… “laser-tied”?) everyone, including Jonas Jr. and the captain. Professor then did his little villain-thing and revealed that he had long-known about the hidden piece in his HQ. As he assembled the machine and tried dealing with a panicked Sally (she realized Rocket was missing and was pissed that Professor didn’t really give a shit), Jonas Jr. secretly contacted H.E.L.P.eR to punch some codes and free everyone. Fun Fact: You can always tell it’s a Jackson Publick script if H.E.L.P.eR actually does something helpful. H.E.L.P.eR quickly scrambled out of the X-1, leaving The Inquisitor to loudly excuse himself (to no one) as he also stepped off the jet. Outside, he found Rocket and, after being cooed at for a while, shouted, “IGNORE ME!” Holy crap, I’m going to be quoting/yelling that all summer.
After H.E.L.P.eR worked his magic and disengaged the laser-ties, Brock and Jonas Jr. leaped into action and stretched out Professor Impossible’s face, drilling his flesh into the walls. Professor fought back by expanding his body until he pushed everyone and everything (but himself and the machine, which Professor grabbed just in time) out the windows. After everyone scrambled to hold on to Professor’s stretchy torso, they were plummeted into the NY underground and were almost hit by a subway car. With some quick thinking, Brock tied Professor’s leg to the car and instructed everyone to climb up and away to the surface for safety. The subway car sped off and, after reaching its stretch-limit, Professor’s leg broke off the bar it was tied to and snapped all the way back up to knock Professor unconscious, causing him to drop the machine. Oh, man. It was such. A. Cool. Moment. It was very different from what I was used to seeing on the show, but in a good way. Another Fun Fact: You can always tell it’s a Jackson Publick script if there are relatively action-packed scenes (apparently, Doc Hammer’s not too good at that kind of thing).
The machine fell right in front of the gang, unbroken, exactly as Brock’s watch struck midnight. Seconds later, The Inquisitor pulled up in a cab, with Rocket in hand. The Inquisitor announced that the moment of Judgment was upon them (and, of course, when the cabbie asked for the fare, The Inquisitor responded with — scream it with me — “IGNORE ME!”). Suddenly, a bright light burst from the machine and Jonas Venture stepped out. He smiled, pulled out a laser-gun, shot The Inquisitor in the head, and turned to leave. Doc was thoroughly shocked but refused to let his father go again. In tears, he begged to know why he was left alone for twenty years. Awww. “Oh, Rusty. You are never alone. Those stars — well, okay, you can’t see them right now ’cause we’re in the city — but those stars… They’re always watching us!” Well, that touching moment wasn’t enough. Doc and Jonas Jr. begged for him to stay. Then, Jonas made an interesting revelation… Okay, I thought this was the funniest damn moment in the entire episode. I laughed so loudly that I almost woke up my sister sleeping in the other room. And then I watched it, like, ten more times. Seriously.
Jonas Venture: Ohh… Alright. Look. I’m not really your father, okay? I’m an alien that was sent here to this appointed time to kill that guy ’cause he would have destroyed all life as you know it.
Jonas Jr. and Doc: What?!
“Jonas”: I took the form of your dad because I figured it’d be easier to accept. I didn’t want to stress you out. End of the world, life on other planets, blah blah blah.
Doc: Why… you… son of a bitch! Do you know what you just put me through?! What the fuck were you thinking?! What kind of fucked up planet are you from where you think showing up as my dead fucking father is supposed to make me feel any better?!
“Jonas”: Okay, take it easy –
Doc: You prick!
“Jonas”: Look, I just saved your entire planet –
Doc: PRICK!
“Jonas”: Alright, fine! You wanna see?! Here! [”Jonas” starts to rip open his face; we only see everyone’s looks of horror and a bright light from “Jonas”’s direction] There! That would have been better?! If I had shown up like that out of nowhere?! Look at you. You practically crapped your pants! [points at Ned] Except him. He crapped his pants!
Way to poke fun at Contact. Hell yes. Ahem, anyway. Totally pissed off, “Jonas” walked through the machine and the entire thing disappeared in a flash. Everyone but Doc seemed pretty pleased that they had just saved the world (and finally got The Inquisitor to shut up). Hank and Dean finished up by shouting, “Go Team Venture!” and high-fiving each other. What? High-five? No “V”-shape finger-tip connecting thingy? Weird. And it wasn’t even a normal high-five. It was one of those wonky full-arm ones where the elbows are touching.
After the credits, Jonas Jr. and Sally flirted as Professor helplessly continued to flap in the wind, like a flag, high in the NY air.
The Five: Shows George Clooney wishes weren't on his IMDb profile
src="/celebrities/pic/2008/06/25/20080625001149W.jpg" />George Clooney isn’t the first Oscar winner who started
his acting life on television; heck, he’s not even the tenth. Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt and Hillary Swank, for instance,
all had significant TV experience before making it big on film (Bosom Buddies, anyone? Beverly Hills,
90210?). But has any Oscar winner had the checkered acting history that Clooney has? Yeah, yeah, he came to
prominence in a little medical drama called ER (whatever happened with that show, anyway? Is it still on the
air?), but what came before that is a bunch of roles that Clooney
would rather not talk about:
1. The Facts of Life: This
is the one everyone remembers. He played George Burnett, the contractor hired by Mrs. Garrett and the girls to help
them rebuild Edna’s Edibles after it burnt down. After the store re-opened as a novelty shop, George stayed on to be, I
guess, the "hunky male presence" on the show. He actually lasted on the show for two whole seasons, and came
back for a guest appearance or two in the show’s last year. His role was mostly forgettable and the show had already
run its course, but things could have been worse; he got to stare at Kim Fields’ blossoming womanhood everyday.
2. Roseanne: I don’t think
George would be embarrased by the classic sitcom itself, but with how quickly his role as Booker, the foreman at the
factory where Roseanne and her sister Jackie worked, disappeared. Think about it: he gets a plum role on a highly-hyped
series that’s starring the era’s hottest stand-up comedian. He even had a love interest in Jackie. George thought he had
it made. Then Roseanne decided to shift the show away from her character’s working life and — OOPS! — there goes the
plum role, even before the first season was over.
3. E/R: No, not ER! E/R! With a slash in the middle! E/R was a
sitcom from the mid-’80s that took place in, yes, a Chicago emergency room. It starred Mary McDonnell (currenlty on
Battlestar Galactica), Jason Alexander, and… wait for it… Elliott Gould.
Thaaaaat’s right. Elliott Gould, one of the original series killers. George played the hotshot orderly (or was he a
hotshot intern?) Ace. I vaguely remember this show; it wasn’t bad, but any show with Gould as the star was doomed to
failure.
4. Sunset Beat: I
had no idea this show even existed, but the IMDb description of it is priceless: "A team of Los Angeles cops go
undercover posing as motorcycle bikers to nail street crime and other disorder in town." I’m sure that the mullet
George was growing on Facts was in full bloom here.
5. Bodies of Evidence: The name alone is awful.
I don’t know much about this one, but it was an early-’90s crime drama that starred Lee Horsely or Matt Houston fame. Hopefully, George didn’t grow a moustache to match Lee’s. That
would have looked kinda…odd.
Anyone remember either of these last two shows, or any of Clooney’s other
painful TV roles? Let me know in the comments.
Combs Reverting to Puff Daddy Status?
Sean Combs must be feeling nostalgic.
The nickname-friendly hip-hop mogul, whose “official” alternate moniker has metamorphosed over the years from Puffy to Puff Daddy to P. Diddy to Diddy and so on, has decided to take a cue from his past.
Although his rep has denied reports of a name change, Combs has indicated on his MySpace site and via a guest appearance on a new single that he is reclaiming Puff Daddy, a handle he hasn’t used since 2001.
“They call me Puff Daddy…he’s back,” Combs raps on the remix of former stylist O’Neal McKnight’s single “Check Your Coat,” which also features Greg Nice and Jermaine Dupri.
“Yeah, you heard me rightI said Puff Daddy,” he continues. “I’m about to back on that Puff Daddy s–t.”
Sounds pretty convincing.
Although he originally wrote “This is your boy Puff Daddy!!! Yes Puff Daddy” in a blog entry on his MySpace page, a new entry, dated today, now reads, “This is your boy P.Diddy, the King of the Remix…”
So which is it, Diddy? Er, Daddy?
Well, he certainly doesn’t like the idea of anyone else trading on the name Puff Daddy, whether he’s using it or not.
The multihyphenate’s legal camp recently sent a cease-and-desist letter to cufflink seller Cuff-Daddy.com, warning the niche business that its name is way too close to Combs’ second stage name.
It’s unclear whether the current reversion to Puff Daddy has anything to do with a British court’s decision in 2006 that Combs couldn’t go by Diddy in England because U.K. record producer Richard “Diddy” Dearlove had already been using the name professionally for years.
“It’s only fair that since he said he used Diddy first, that he be allowed to use it,” Combs said amiably at the time. “I am blessed that I have many, many names to choose from.”
Rapper Warren G. Busted
Warren G has a new release: Himself.
The 35-year-old rapper, whose real name is Warren Griffin III, is out on bail today after spending the night in jail on drug charges.
Police say the rapper was arrested early Sunday morning after the car he was in was pulled over for running a red light in Hollywood and marijuana was found inside.
Although undisclosed, the amount was sufficient to charge the rapper, along with the car’s driver, with possession of narcotics with intent to sell, an LAPD spokesman said.
The rapper and the driver were released hours later on $20,000 bond apiece.
The Grammy winner is best known for his 1994 hit “Regulate,” and guest appearance on The Chronic, the classic album by his half-brother, rap legend Dr. Dre.