VH1 Searches for the Scariest Scream
Calling all hotties with strong vocal cords.
VH1 has announced plans for a reality competition that will focus on finding a suitable unknown actress for an upcoming role in a new Lionsgate-produced horror flick.
Ideally, Scream Queens is looking for the next Janet Leigh, or at least the next Jamie Lee Curtis, although what it will probably find is someone who just looks really good in a dirty tanktop.
Meanwhile, the studio, which is also responsible for the Saw franchise, is promising a “major” role, not necessarily a “starring” role, for the series winner.
Meaning, whoever comes out on top after eight episodes could end up getting the Paris Hilton-in-House of Wax treatment rather than be the last heroine standing. Or, like Leigh, take part in one of the most memorable murder sequences in movie history.
But you’ve got to start somewhere, right? Scream Queens is slated to premiere this fall.
Five horrible TV theme song lyrics
I was reading Brad’s post about bad superhero shows, and the site he linked to picked the Cathy Lee Crosby version of Wonder Woman, which I think is silly. It was much better than the Lynda Carter version and was smart enough to use an instrumental theme song, not one with lyrics. When you try to put lyrics to a superhero show theme song, the results are usually very bad.
Here are my choices for five horrible lyrics from TV theme songs. I’m not saying these are the worst. Maybe this could be a regular feature. There are so many to choose from, but these really stand out. (I did a similar post a couple of years ago, but it was strictly bizarre lyrics, not necessarily “bad” ones. The list needs to be updated, especially since I didn’t include the number one choice.)
1. “In your satin tights/Fighting for your rights.” (Wonder Woman). Yeah, Lynda Carter was hot and everything, but there’s no excusing this abomination of a lyric. I mean, it’s beyond camp, and makes me think that whoever thought of it was trying to think of something to rhyme with “rights” (since Wonder Woman was a patriotic heroine) and said to himself, “hey, she wears tights! And it rhymes!” The whole line is “In your satin tights/fighting for your rights/and the old red, white, and bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuuuuuuue! Get us out from under/Wonder Woman!”
It was close, picking this line. I could have picked “Make a hawk a dove/stop a war with love/make a liar tell the truth!”
2. “I want/I want/I want Charles in Charge of me.” (Charles in Charge). Jesus. This is one of the more creepy TV theme songs, with a girl singing about how “there’s a new boy in the neighborhood” and he’s “in charge of our days and our nights” and “that other girl totally lied when she said he attacked her.” OK, that last line isn’t in the song, but it very well could have been. Hey, Scott Baio factors in two of these five picks! I haven’t heard the theme song to his reality show.
3. “She’s fantastic/Made of plastic/Microchips here and there/She’s a small wonder/Brings love and laughter everywhere.” (Small Wonder). OK, so she’s a little girl robot, and the songwriter must have thought…microchips! She must have microchips, right? And they’re everywhere! This show is on the worst list of many people, and every time I see the opening below I think it looks like a satire of a TV show opening and theme song.
4. “You look at me/And suddenly I’m captured in your eyes.” (Joanie Loves Chachi). Hey, from strictly a physical standpoint, you can’t argue with that line. When a person looks at another person, they are indeed captured in their eyes. So I’ll give the song credit for being scientifically accurate. But my God, the line is like something out of a bad romance novel (or the American Idol songwriting contest). Take a look at the opening below (it starts around 5:40). It’s truly one of the worst openings ever, more suitable for a beauty pageant or maybe a tampon commercial.
5. “Is he strong?/Listen, bud/He’s got radioactive blood.” (Spider-Man). They had to get the “radioactive blood” part in there, so they went with “bud?” OK, it was the ’60s, but still. The lyrics also say that to Spider-Man, “life is a great big bang up.” What exactly does this mean?
Hayden Panettiere: Postmortem Proclamations?
Yeah, yeah, we know. By saving the cheerleader, we can save the world.
But the world may need to save Hayden Panettiere from possibly believing she really is the indestructible rah-rah girl she portrays on the boob tube.
In the June issue of Teen Vogue, the Heroes heroine chats about the tabloids and how invasive they can be when it comes to her personal life.
"Nothing is private," she says. "And when they write about you, it's almost completely false."
Of course, when pressed if she's referring to stories about her rumored romance with costar Milo Ventimiglia, the tiny TV titan insists: "I'll not comment until the day I die!"
Um, Hayden, despite what your alter ego Claire is capable of doing, from what we hear, voicing the truth after you've passed on tends to be a wee bit difficult.
Ugly Betty in a New York State of Mind
Ugly Betty is going to start living where it breathes.
In a cost-cutting maneuver, the hit ABC comedy, which largely takes place in Manhattan and features a Queens-bred heroine, is packing up its L.A. shop and actually moving production to New York, News has confirmed.
Emmy winner America Ferrera and the rest of the cast and crew were informed of the venue change just yesterday. Production on Ugly Betty's third seasonfeaturing a Lindsay Lohan guest arc in the first five episodesis scheduled to kick off June 30 in NYC.
The series' second-season finale, which will introduce Lohan's Mean Girls-style character, airs May 22. (For more scoop on the cast's reaction to the big move, check out Watch With Kristin.)