Alexandre Aja’s Piranha Goes 3D
We at haven’t mentioned Alexandre Aja’s 2009 remake of Piranha until now, but something about this project feels incredibly spot-on to me. As Mickey Knox would say with a deranged grin and a smack of his chewing gum: “It’s fate.” STYD has received word that the film will now be shown theatrically in 3D. Are we really going to be privy to reaching out and swatting away thousands of fresh water Jaws imitators chewing viciously at the knees of nubile, arrogant life guards? Even if you think the yo-yo scene in Friday the 13th Part III was a complete jip, and passed on Beowulf, how can you not want to see this?
Here’s a list of reasons to persuade you: 1) Aja’s High Tension had several beautifully intense, stylish, macabre and original scenes for a modern horror film, but he lost control of the film’s more serious tone. Piranhas are tone-deaf. 2) The release is July 24th, 2009, which is perfect. Summer camps, rope swings over the water, night swims et al. Tis the season of Jaws, tis the times of less adventurous, more localized family summering. And in these movie months of overcompensating comic book movies et al, Piranha already has a built-in old school charm we’ve long missed. More $200 million robot drama? Another movie based on toys? I want to watch a 3D movie where huge audiences continually scream and laugh at killer fish. 3) It’s a remake and while the 1978 Joe Danta/John Sayles original has its champions (and it’s worth a watch), c’mon, this is not sacrilege. This movie needs to be remade. This movie was made to be remade. 5) The log line: “In Lake Havasu, Arizona, a tremor causes the lake’s floor to open, setting free scores of prehistoric piranhas.” 6) Piranha-vision 7) Sharks finally get a vacation. 
What a ticket-stub.
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer Sold at Slamdance; Movie Trailer Now Online
The major purchase making the press rounds and generating blog buzz from this year’s Slamdance Film Festival, which ended Friday, is Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer. Anchor Bay purchased the film, which hearkens back to ’80s horror-comedies like House and Night of the Demons, for an impressive mid-six-figures with a theatrical release included in the deal. Directed by relative newcomer Jon Knautz and co-starring Robert Englund, actor Trevor Matthews portrays the titular slacker-plumber-slayer, a guy haunted by a childhood camping incident in which his parents were murdered by a creature, until he discovers his calling in life.
I know it might come off as harsh criticism for a little-horror-film-that-could, but Anchor Bay’s Hatchet was probably the most disappointing and one of the worst films I saw last year. The production values, acting, atmosphere and jokes were sub-par even for a Bikini Car Wash film, and I found the heavenly praise from several sites to set a terrible example for what’s expected from modern horror films, almost to the point of being regressive. I mention Hatchet, because it’s from the same studio, appeals to the same fanbase, and shares a warranted nostalgia and respect for ’80s scares, stars and tone with Jack Brooks. So, it’s cool to see that the trailer for Jack Brooks hints at a promising effort, reminiscent of James Gunn’s rather awesome 2006 creature-feature Slither.
There are numerous influences firing here, everything from Buffy, Evil Dead and Monster Squad, and I’m always interested to see what has inspired a young horror filmmaker. The genre needs its fair share of well watched but original voices now, so more power to Knautz if he pulled it off. The trailer is also effective at showing everything but showing nothing.
John Carpenter Returning to Theaters with L.A. Gothic
Whenever I meet someone who will go to the mat for John Carpenter, that to me is a qualifier for friendship. In my mind, Carpenter is like Stanley Kubrick with holes in his jeans, or a joint to a $15 cigar, or Pabst Blue Ribbon to Heineken if I can be Frank. From 1976’s Assault on Precinct 13 to 1988’s They Live, he had a ferocious run, tearing up social norms with irreverent style and quasi-populist humor while constantly entertaining audiences with a mad swirl of genres.
It’s unfortunate that those audiences would show up later than sooner, and the critics? Well, I’m grateful the Internet arrived because most critics would rather praise a mediocre movie playing in five theaters than publish a retrospective praising Carpenter. His movies poked fun at the establishment and his modus operandi wore self-reliance on its sleeve. Those synthy scores drove his independence home like roman candles made with gun powder and other manly things. He made movies with giant balls for geeks before geeks were recognized. He used his youth and ideals about movie making to the fullest. But now that geeks are recognized, where are those ballsy movies from the new geek directors?
It’s been seven years since Carpenter had a movie, Ghosts of Mars, in theaters. I walked out of that one, and 1998’s Vampires was a disappointment sans a pretty cool start. His next film, L.A. Gothic, is scheduled to start shooting in March, with a script by Jim Agnew and Sean Keller, who scribed the new Dario Argento movie, Giallo, mentioned yesterday. Here’s the log line via STYD:
Five interwoven stories of high-octane horror centering on a vengeful ex-priest’s efforts to protect his teenage daughter from the supernatural evils of L.A.’s dark side.
So, it’s an anthology horror film to boot a la next October’s Trick ‘r Treat. Those are always difficult to pull off, and harder still to make work at the box office (why is that?), but it seems like perfect socio-skewer material for Carpenter’s return to feature filmmaking. Plus, anthology horror in the theater simply rocks. And, you know, for some reason critics just love movies about L.A., especially when the city’s in the title.
Repo! The Genetic Opera!: “this isn’t Saw… Nor is it Sweeney Todd…”
Five weeks after Repo! The Genetic Opera! wrapped production, director Darren Lynn Bousman reports that a first cut of the film in is the can. And while that is a cause for celebration, Bousman is becoming more unsure of what the audience for this musical horror film might be.
“The truth of the matter is - I have no fucking CLUE what the public and movie goer is going to say about this movie…” Bousman writes in his latest blog entry. “As I have said numerous times - this isn’t SAW… Nor is it SWEENY TODD… It’s a hybrid of horror, comedy, and good old fashion ROCK and ROLL!”
Bousman hopes to garner a Rocky Horror-ish response, with people singing in the theaters.
“[that] is my TRUE dream of the this movie… That I walk into a theatre somewhere and hear the audience singing along to ZYDRATE ANATOMY - or WE STARTED THIS OPERA SHIT…”
Repo! The Genetic Opera! is set to hit theaters on April 25th 2008.