Super Skank Wednesday: Dina, Denise, Byata, & Rece
Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Miss Rap Supreme, I Love Money, Charm School, New York Goes to Hollywood, and The Surreal Life. Basically, I’ll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.
Notice how I’ve changed my introduction? I almost added Living Lohan and Denise Richards: It’s Complicated but I realized that would compromise my integrity. I did, however, watch both of those shows Sunday night. I’ll tell you about them and the finale of Miss Rap Supreme after the jump.
Last week I said I had no interest in watching Denise Richards: It’s Complicated because Denise is too bland. Well, my suspicions were confirmed and Denise Richards is officially the most unexciting person on the planet. She’s not even interesting enough to hate (like Dina Lohan–but I’ll get to that later). She picked up dog poop, had a meeting with Joel Silver about changing her image, and posed for Self magazine. Oh, and she made her Dad get a spray tan (bless his heart but he’s not half as interesting as Kathy Griffin’s parents on My Life on the D-List). It’s like one of the producers said, “Do something interesting, Denise.” And her best idea was to torture her dad with a spray tan.
And, by the way, it’s still not complicated. They should make Denise do word problems. Now that would be complicated.
Living Lohan came on right after Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. And now I have confirmation that Dina Lohan is the dark lord Sauron. I got a half-hour of proof that she is working her evil on the Middle Earth that is Long Island, New York. The show is “supposed” to be about Ali’s music career–kind of like that stupid Ashlee Simpson Show a while back. Remember the theme song?
And now that song will haunt me all day. But back to Living Lohan on Long Island. While the show is meant to be about Ali, the real reason to tune in is obviously the Nana Dina Lohan. Last night, Ali was teased by some girls at school (”Hey Ali, you gonna go to rehab like Lindsay?” and “Hey Ali, you gonna get the Hep like Lindsay?” Just kidding. No one said that second one.) and Dina’s solution is take Ali to Harlem to Impact Repertory Theatre, “one of the oldest Black non-for-profit theatres in New York City” because Ali needs a place to work out her frustrations and express herself creatively. Kudos to Impact for using Dina’s big idea to their advantage and get a promo out of the visit. Clearly, they do important and positive work.
I was going to find a clip of Living Lohan but I stumbled upon this gem from Tracey Ullman:
Lastly, there’s the finale of Miss Rap Supreme. After hating Byata for the past four or five episodes, I really liked her last night. I always thought she had talent; I just found her completely annoying. And I found the drama between Byata and Chiba a little contrived. But last night when Byata sang off the top of her head in front of Will.i.am., I was blown away. I couldn’t believe she just made that up. Her performances at the end were good too.
But Byata’s singing and rapping wasn’t enough to beat Rece Steele (B-X, Holla!) Rece’s final performance was amazing. I’m glad they gave it to her. And she looked so grateful for the prize money and title.
In general, Miss Rap Supreme was not up to par with other VH1 skankalicious fare. If I had to rate it on a scale of one to ten (ten being the first season of Rock of Love or the second season of Flavor of Love and one being MTV’s Made), I’d give it a three. MRS left much to be desired in the drama department. And I probably wouldn’t have watched it after about episode four, but it’s the beginning of the summer and nothing else is on.
That’s all for this week. I think next time I’ll put together another list. I enjoy celebrating the trashtastic shows of yesteryear.
Del Toro Gets Down to Middle-Earth
The Hobbit's got itself a handler.
Guillermo del Toro has signed on to direct the long-gestating adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's pre-Lord of the Rings masterpiece, as well as a sequel chronicling the Middle-Earth action that takes place during the 60 years before Bilbo Baggins passes that pesky piece of jewelry on to his cousin Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring.
The Mexican-born filmmaker will be relocating to New Zealand for four years to shoot the two films back to back, the way Peter Jacksonwho is producing the venture for cofinanciers New Line Cinema and MGMdid with his LOTR trilogy.
New Line, which is overseeing development and production, said Thursday there is no script to speak of yet, but it's likely the Oscar-winning team of Jackson, wife Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens will collaborate with del Torohimself an Original Screenplay nominee for Pan's Labyrinth last yearon the project.
"I am indeed blessed to become a part of the filmmaking community that Peter, Fran and their extraordinary team of collaborators have created in New Zealand," del Toro said in a statement. "Contributing to the Lord of the Rings legacy is an absolute dream come true."
Jackson and Walsh returned the compliment in their own statement, labeling del Toro "a cinematic magician who has never lost his childlike sense of wonder."
"We have long admired Guillermo's work and cannot think of a more inspired filmmaker to take the journey back to Middle-Earth," they said.
Jackson was originally going to do the behind-the-camera honors himself, but a squabble with New Line over his LOTR proceeds put an end to that fanciful idea. Although they settled their differences late last year, by then Jackson was already committed to bringing Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones to the big screen, and del Toro arose as the likely choice to succeed Jackson as the cinematic master of Middle-earth.
But del Toro can't delve into this brave new world just yet. He's currently still ensconced in postproduction on Hellboy 2, a sequel to the surprise 2004 hit about a big red demon who fights the forces of darkness.
The Hobbit: Peter Jackson Returns
The rumors are true: Lord of the Rings trilogy filmmaker Peter Jackson and New Line have come to an agreement, and will band together to bring The Hobbit to the big screen, split over two live-action films. MGM and New Line will co-finance the project, with New Line handing North American distribution, and MGM handing the International. It is currently believed that Peter Jackson will not be available to direct either of the two films, as his schedule is full. The announcement says that Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh will serve as Executive Producers of two films, which will be shot simultaneously.
Spider-Man director Sam Raimi has been anxiously watching this project, and his future schedule is pretty much clear. Raimi has said that he wouldn’t be involved unless Jackson produced, and it looks like the perfect situation is now in place. I wouldn’t be surprised if we see the Raimi announcement before Christmas.
Said Peter Jackson, “I’m very pleased that we’ve been able to put our differences behind us, so that we may begin a new chapter with our old friends at New Line. ‘The Lord of the Rings’ is a legacy we proudly share with Bob and Michael, and together, we share that legacy with millions of loyal fans all over the world. We are delighted to continue our journey through Middle Earth. I also want to thank Harry Sloan and our new friends at MGM for helping us find the common ground necessary to continue that journey.”
Principal photography is tentatively set for a 2009 start with a production budget of $150 million per film. They are currently eyeing release dates in 2010 and 2011. It has been previously rumored that the film would be shot and released in 3D, although Jackson and New Line are keeping mum at this time.
Ruining He-Man and The Masters of the Universe
Growing up a child of the 80’s, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was one of the shows I watched (along with many of the other series which are now pop culture nostalgia items on that VH1 show and in references on Family Guy). So it pains me to learn via our friends at IESB that the big screen adaptation of the cartoon series/action figure line is being handled so poorly.
According to Robert, “the current idea is to make Eternia here on Earth, kind of like a modern day Middle Earth.” He also painfully teases, “if you guys think that this Eternia on Earth stuff is disturbing, you should hear what the plan for Skeletor is!”
We haven’t read Justin Marks (Voltron, Street Fighter, Super-Max) screenplay, so we should probably should give him the benifit of the doubt. But from the information leaked thus far, it seems like they don’t understand why people liked the series. It’s the same thing that happens with most video game adaptations, and it was the same thing that ruined the original live-action Masters of the Universe film. Fans want to see all the creators and characters from their childhood in a new revamped Connan The Barbarian meets Star Wars type storyline. Treat the property with respect and the fans will come. If anyone has the Marks penned He-Man script (if it’s even exists in a script form at this point) please e-mail me.