Five ways Six Feet Under helps me cope with death
This post might get a little esoteric, but I’ll just lay it out there and, as always, you can either take it or leave it. If you don’t like talk about death and dying, stop reading here.
If I was asked to say just one thing about Six Feet Under, it’s that they don’t shirk from anything. The Fisher family is complex and messy, but the writers and actors put it all out there, whether it’s gay sex, drugs, mental illness, or, of course, death.
That last one is a good thing for me, because I go to a lot of funerals. In the past few years, I’ve lost two aunts, a dad, a father-in-law, a grandma, a sister-in-law, two cousins, and at least two dozen friends. I’ve written scores of obituaries and played my violin for dozens of funerals. I’m on a first-name basis with most of the funeral directors in town. And you know what? It’s OK! Six Feet Under has helped me to see that. Read on for five ways the show helps me cope with death.
1. The show makes it “OK” to die. Six Feet Under’s tagline says it all: “Everything. Everyone. Everywhere. Ends.” As soon as we come to grips with that, it makes life easier. After all, we’ll die some day, too. Maybe sooner than we think. Since I didn’t grow up in a funeral home like the Fishers, I used to hate the idea of death. But I’ve gotten more comfortable with it in recent years. Part of this is the sheer number of funerals I attend. It’s not that I’ve gotten numb to it, but rather that I accept that everything ends.
2. You can choose not to grieve. In the second episode of season five, “Dancing For Me,” a high school buddy of Nate’s gets run over by a truck. During the funeral, Nate meets another former buddy and they get together for drinks. While talking about the death of their friend, Nate said he was tired of grieving and didn’t want to do it anymore. He just wanted to make every moment of life count. I get that. If I carried the grief of everyone I’ve lost in recent years, I’d go hide in a cave and never come out.
3. People die in lots of various ways. While most of the people I’ve lost haven’t died in such “colorful” ways as the folks on Six Feet Under, they’ve certainly run the gamut — drunk drivers, icy-road crashes, suicides, terminal illnesses, and old age. When you’ve lived in the same community for 40-some years, you get to know people. The older generation dies off. People come and go. It’s a fact of life. And if there’s one thing Six Feet Under touts, it’s that people are going to die, and there’s not one thing we can do about it. Nowhere is that more clear than the pilot episode, where Nathanial Fisher Sr. dies in a tragic car crash, sending the family into a turmoil of change.
4. It gives you a new appreciation for life. As cliché as it sounds, experiencing a lot of death has given me an appreciation for life. Of course, I grieve, but the fact that I have so many people in my life to grieve for is a blessing. Yes, I miss the people, but I’m happy to have had them in my life. It’s a beautiful thing.
5. It helps you put things in perspective. I started watching Six Feet Under during a particularly funeral-laden part of last winter, and there’s something about watching funeral directors deal with death on a daily basis that helped me put things in perspective. I guess Alan Ball felt that way, too, since he created the series after losing his sister.
So, hey, if you’re in one of those inevitable periods where you’re losing a lot of people, try watching Six Feet Under. It could be very cathartic.
Six Feet Under: Ecotone
If you haven’t seen "Ecotone" yet, I won’t spoil it for you. Not at least - to use a newspaper term for the top half of the front page - above the fold.
But if you have already seen "Ecotone," or even perhaps if you haven’t, then you will want to read on.
Nathaniel Fisher- 1965-2005.
"Holy…
And how did we know thee.
Nate’s dead. He’s gone. I have to admit I am surprised. And since only 33 percent of you predicted this in the poll we ran on Nate’s fate, I have to think most of you are as well.
In lesser hands, the first 45 minutes of "Ecotone" would be a tease. Nate is shown snapping out of his possibly climax-induced AVM episode at Maggie’s quicker than was expected, and much quicker than was feared. He recognizes everyone, jokes,and is his flippant self.
During the episode, characters have some redeeming moments.In a fantasy sequence, Ruth plays out her hatred of most of the men that have been in her life. Vanessa admits that her hostility to Rico is a direct result of being scared. Claire and her new very pro Iraq-war friend from work start out their first date with a highly political argument- a tiff that is quickly forgotten when they get THE CALL.
Brenda is among the first to arrive, but as soon as Nate has the strength to talk to Brenda alone, he tells her their life together is over. At least as far as he is concerned, the energy is gone from their marriage. He retreats to a dream sequence in which he is apparently lost to the sea, in the same ocean that was to carry the lifeless body of his first wife, Lisa.
And soon, the machines he is being monitored with in the hospital sing their most ominous monotone song. The song that creates tears more than any other ever written.
If indeed Nate’s body was compromised and then rendered for the ages by the jolt of an adulterous liaison, that is the utmost irony. A discharge that in some cases creates life ultimately took his.
So with only three Six Feet Under episodes to go, what happens next? Post a Comment and let us know.
The final six deaths on Six Feet Under - VIDEO
Fans of Six Feet Under were floored, when at the end “Ecotone” (the fourth to last episode of the series) Nate finally succumbed to his AVM and passed away. His death earned one of the few “end of episode epitaphs” featured on the show.
Fortunately for Nate and his family, everyone had a chance to say good-bye. Claire and David spent hours in the hospital room with him, as did Ruth. Even Brenda visited, despite knowing about the affair with Maggie - until Nate says no more; we’re done.
As fans, we cried. We mourned. We couldn’t imagine the final three episodes of one HBO’s finest programs without it’s main player. Of course, we knew he’d be back - dead. That was a given, but it’s still not the same. Little did we know what was in store for us.
A whole lot more crying.
In my opinion, “Everyone’s Waiting” is one of the most perfect hours of television ever conceived. Six Feet Under may not be the best series ever, but it has the best series finale ever. I can’t think of any other show that wrapped up its story so perfectly. On a show about death, it only made sense that we should know how everyone dies.
As Claire finally drove off, heading East for a job she didn’t even have anymore, the future flashed before her eyes - the youngest one of them. Set to the eerie, yet soothing, “Breathe Me” by Sia, we watched a montage of happy moments juxtaposed against the harsh reality of death. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched this episode, but every single viewing, I still bawl like little baby. It’s absolutely heart-wrenching. But with all the repeated watchings, and along with some help from the obits on HBO’s website, there really is a lot to pick up on…
Ruth O’Connor Fisher [Sibley] (1946 - 2025, age 79) — Presumably, Ruth died of natural causes. Her death was attended by her estranged second husband, Claire, and David. I say “estranged” regarding George, because he was. No explanation was given as to why he and Ruth connected again later in life, but I would imagine that following Nate’s death, Claire’s departure, and David’s duties to his family, Ruth needed someone. It certainly wasn’t going to be Hiram. I also assume that moving in with her sister Sarah and Bettina mellowed her out considerably. I always found it very telling that right before she died, first she saw Nathaniel Sr., then she saw Nate, then she passed. It wasn’t her first husband that brought her comfort. It was her son.
Keith Dwayne Charles (1968 - 2029, age 61) — After starting a family with David, Keith went on to do something that I’m sure David probably never approved of. When he was a police officer, David worried. When Keith was a bodyguard to the stars, David worried. And I’m sure David cringed when Keith founded his own security business. Four years after Ruth passed, Keith was gunned down while transporting what I assume was money. I always found it odd that he appeared to be working alone. That never seemed right to me. Almost like he was asking to be hurt or killed. It sort of fits though - Keith was always stubborn and full of self-pride and hubris. When he finally started his own business, stood up to his abrasive father, took pride in his homosexuality and family, you could make the argument that’s what got him killed. He probably felt invincible after all he had accomplished.
David James Fisher (1969 - 2044, age 75) — David finally retired five years after Keith passed. At the time of his death, he was with another man who was revealed to be his companion Raoul Martinez. However, at the moment his stroke hit and he passed, David glimpsed Keith playing football. So presumably, much like Ruth reuniting with George, it would appear that David was with Raoul for companionship and not love as Keith, his late husband, held his heart. One interesting thing I want to point out regarding Keith and David. In their obits, it’s revealed that they do have grandchildren. However, it doesn’t elaborate on whether or not they are adopted or conceived. I pose this question, because there is a quick moment, during Claire’s marriage to Ted where we see one of Keith and David’s adopted sons (not sure if it’s Durrell or Anthony) and he’s holding hands with another man. It’s quite the stylistic choice and poses the obvious, controversial question: is he gay because that’s how he was raised? See what I mean when I said I’ve watched these scenes a lot?
Hector Federico Diaz (1974 - 2049, age 75) — There unfortunately isn’t much to say about Rico, other than he lived the life he wanted - and Vanessa prodded him into taking. Following Nate’s death, he opened his own mortuary and according to his obit, he ran it for 35 years before retiring. The one thing that strikes me about Rico was where he died. He frequently got into fights with Nate and David regarding time off and needing vacation, but he was often worked to the bone (no pun intended), at least until he became a part owner. Once he finally was able to enjoy his time off, it was too late.
Brenda Chenowith (1969 - 2051, age 82) — Where do you even begin with Brenda? You could easily make the argument that she was nuts, possibly bi-polar. Just look at her family and upbringing. However, whether or not any of that is true, she did get her life together. It just took her husband dying for it to happen. After Nate passed, she got numerous degrees, a PhD, wrote a ton of books, and managed to get married again and raise three children - one of which wasn’t even her own. I always admired the fact that she chose to raise Maya and kept current with the rest of the Fishers, especially Ruth. She could have easily cut ties with that part of her life, but she didn’t. As most of her life was dependent on worrying about her deranged brother Billy, it only seemed appropriate that she finally passed in his presence while he chewed her ear off about what I’m sure was complete nonsense.
Claire Simone Fisher (1983 - 2085, age 101) — The youngest lived to be the oldest. Claire went on to become a world-renowned photographer and even taught at NYU. Her obit says she had numerous memorable magazine covers. Taking her mother’s advice to be a strong woman, she never took her husband Ted’s last name, presumably because she married him later in life and didn’t want to change it in light of her successful career. Stylistically, two things stand out for me as we watch Claire pass. One is that the future doesn’t look all that futuristic. The second? Claire’s eyes. She must have had cataracts or something similar because they’re glossed over, white, and devoid of life. How sad to think that the one thing she needed to truly achieve her art was taken from her. She couldn’t see any of the pictures she had shot in her final years.
Just like that, Six Feet Under was over. Now’s your chance to sound off. TV only sort of covered this show when it originally aired (well before my tenure here), but I’m curious to know what every thinks. Am I off in saying this is the best series finale ever? Do you think everyone’s death did their character justice? Watch the final moments first if you need to jog your memory and remember, “Everything. Everyone. Everywhere. Ends.”
My favorite corpses from Six Feet Under
Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.
Fans of Six Feet Under know that the show was very big on style. One of the more stylish moments in the each episode came at the beginning when they would introduce us to a new character and then proceed to show us their demise. What follows is a list of my favorite characters from the first few minutes of each episode.
Nathaniel Fisher
This one is a no-brainer. How could the show even exist without the violent accident that took the life of the Mr. Fisher? It’s also important to note that the elder Fisher’s many returns set the tone for other corpses to pop up and have a conversation with Nate or David.
Jean Louise McArthur AKA Vivica St. John
I picked Jean Louise for two reasons. Firstly, her service was the first on SFU to illustrate how a funeral home is forced to cater to just about every type of person. I mean, everybody dies, right? The other cool part was the fact that she was murdered by her cat. One more reason cats are not to be trusted.
Chloe Margaret Bryant
Chloe was memorable to me not just because of the unexpected nature of her death, but because it helped to prove my theory that when people do shit they shouldn’t be doing (like standing up and sticking their head through a limo sunroof) they are going to end up with their brains hanging from a streetlight.
Emily Previn
Emily was probably the saddest of the corpses. A nice woman who lived alone and went from temp job to temp job who was caught unprepared when she started choking on her dinner. The sad part was that not only was there nobody around to help her out with a simple Heimlich, but her body wasn’t discovered for days due to her lack of relationships. This is why I always learn the names of the people who sell me coffee.
Daddy
It’s hard to figure what the deal was on the cult that looked to Daddy for guidance. All we knew for sure was that they hated money and they refused to kill any living being including lice. Fans of Saving Grace will recognize Leon Rippy for his role as Earl the tobacco chewing angel.
Bruno Baskerville
When Bruno killed himself long ago, I bet he never thought that his death would play such a major part in the life of the Fisher family. Never claimed by his family, Bruno’s ashes sat on a shelf in the basement of Fisher & Sons for years until David Fisher decided to send them home with Lisa’s family. It was through the unbeatable teamwork of the Fisher brothers that Lisa was able to receive the green funeral that she always hoped for.