Michael Bay Boards Ouija Flick
Michael Bay sees dead people.
The Armageddon director is planning to summon up a feature film based on Hasbro’s supernatural Ouija board game.
Per the Hollywood Reporter, Bay and scribe David Berenbaum (Elf) have set up the movie at Universal as part of the studio’s whopping six-year megadeal with the toy giant.
No word yet on the Ouija, but we’re asking the spirits to make sure the flick won’t take its cues from Tawny Kitaen’s 1986 campy thriller Witchboard.
Hasbro conjured up its take on the legendary divination method in 1966 and has since sold millions of the board game.
Bay’s production company, Platinum Dunes, has become a big player in the horror genre, with recent remakes of The Amityville Horror, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hitcher. Bay’s redo of Friday the 13th is currently shooting for a 2009 release.
Additional projects in the pipeline include a remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds and an updated version of Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Jared Padelecki to Star in Lead Role in Friday the 13th Remake
“Jason never had a show on The CW.”
Can actor Jared Padelecki (Supernatural, Paris Hilton’s House of Wax) defeat one Jason Voorhees? We’ll find out next Valentine’s Day the 13th, when Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes and MTV Films unleash the Friday the 13th remake on hickey’d teens and horror fans still mesmerized by Crystal Lake (my hand is raised). Padelecki will star in the lead role as an investigator who visits the famous summer camp from hell to ask, “Why is there a wet, eight-foot guy in a hockey mask carrying a bloody machete standing next to that tree?”
As we previously reported, director Marcus Nispel, who gave the world Platinum Dunes’ Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and Pathfinder, will helm the flick. Reportedly, we won’t have to wait until the second sequel to see Jason fall in love with the mask, but unfortunately the flick is not going to be in 3D or have Harry Manfredini’s gnarly disco remix of the theme song (makes for a great ring tone btw).
Of all Platinum Dunes’ horror remakes (The Birds, Rosemary’s Baby, ANOES), I wholeheartedly endorse this one. It’s a great fit for them and Nispel, and I can’t wait to see some hottie scream and jiggle as a cocky dude smoking a joint gets his head knocked off and over like Lucas in a football game. If Padelecki busts out the magnifying glass minutes later, fine. The franchise’s goods (of the gooey and rounded variety) will be delivered.
Michael Pitt Disses Saw Fans, Soldiers, Funny Games Detractors
“Saw films are below par.”
Brooklynite actor Michael Pitt has come a long way from starring on Dawson’s Creek, and in the current issue of Giant magazine he delivers, in context, some particularly vapid-funny-traditionally-hipster quotes about the Saw franchise, U.S. soldiers and people who won’t/don’t “get” the March remake of Funny Games.
On his film preferences…
“I don’t even know what Saw or Hostel are. Are they like Texas Chainsaw Massacre? I guess I’m drawn to things like Lawrence of Arabia.”
And then he adds…
“[Audiences that don’t like Funny Games] can kiss my ass. I hope they do [get angry with] Funny Games. It challenges you. If you’re not up to the challenge, go see Saw.”
And not to get Fox News-y, but coming from Pitt, “one of the faces of Emporio Armani and a friend of author J.T. Leroy,” this quote equating being a soldier to regression is ridiculous…
“People think that, until you’ve killed someone or had someone shoot at you, you’re not a grown-up. Going to war isn’t growing up; it’s moving backwards.”
Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes to Reboot Nightmare on Elm Street Franchise
This is what happens when you get the sniffles and ignore the beat for a couple of hours: the world of Hollywood deals starts exploding with awfulness. Something in the Elm Street-verse started feeling askew a few weeks ago when Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund, said he thought it was a good idea to remake Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street and perhaps pass his claw on to someone else. Word arrives today that production house Platinum Dunes (of which Michael Bay is a partner) and New Line Cinema are setting a plan into motion to completely revamp the franchise, just like they’re doing with Friday the 13th and Jason Voorhees, which starts filming in early May. Platinum Dunes have previously set their signature glossy and tan paws on The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Eric Red’s The Hitcher and the upcoming Hitchcock-remake The Birds.
A writer will not be hired for the project until after the strike, and no director is attached. Like I said, Englund probably won’t be back. Platinum Dunes can have Jason, fine. Those films are addictive T&A crowd-pleasers and I’m sure they’ll make Crystal Lake shimmer and pop like an airbrushed painting on the side of a stoner van. But ANOES needs a visionary director that will keep the 10-year-old kids who sneak into the remake up in sheer fright for years. This is real deal psychological horror, complete with dream logic, and not simply “caller’s in the house” cliche after cliche, though Craven’s film did that well, as well. I mean, can you imagine the ghostly girls jumping rope singing “3, 4 better lock your door” in Bay-protege-o-vision? Why not just ring up Larry Flynt to do the casting and work the water hose?
The blame here really goes to New Line, though. Freddy Krueger saved that studio’s arse several times throughout its history, and while a ANOES remake is never going to compete with The Hobbit for box office, is it too much to ask to hand the franchise over to a director who will leave the throbbing hormones to the other schlock that passes for horror these days? Johnny Depp might have even done a cameo if it was up to snuff. As for Englund, if he’s okay with ending his contribution with Freddy vs. Jason, who can argue? He’s not right for a water hose reimagining anyhow.